When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
