Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i love accidental penises.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
