I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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