.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
