some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
