my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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