if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
