If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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