i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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