some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
