Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You can't special order awesome
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
