Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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