Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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