i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
