just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
