There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
