I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
only you would photoshop your dick
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
