I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
