I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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