Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
