I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
