Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
