There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
