Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I smell stomach acid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
