I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
