mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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