Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
