Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
