so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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