Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
