If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
