You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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