So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
