I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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