How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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