Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
