She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
