My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
