She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
