He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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