Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
