I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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