chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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