Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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