Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
