what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I understand Curling. That high.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
