there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think your dad took our porno
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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