I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
