you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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