It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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