Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
