Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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