I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
