I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize