I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
