i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
