I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
