I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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