Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
