Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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