Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
