dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
