that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
