Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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