i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
