How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
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Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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