Already got asked if we're dating
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
