So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
