my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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