It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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